Playing guard dog

Mum has been pretty low lately. Because of her fatigue and breathlessness, she can't walk or get around the house independently, and even getting out of her chair and onto the seat of the wheelie walker is such an effort. We're currently waiting for a bed to become available at Greenwich Hospital for a brief period of symptom management and respite. This will hopefully happen early next week.

In the meantime, Mum is not feeling at all sociable, and when people have asked to come and visit in the past week (or even turned up at the door on the off chance), I have had to tell them that Mum isn't up to visitors, and put them off.

Whilst I don't at all mind having the role of guarding Mum's space, sometimes I feel a bit torn about always saying no to people. 

I understand that Mum is tired and feeling totally 'blah', and as such just doesn't want to be bothered dealing with visitors. But, without wanting to trivialise what Mum's going through, it strikes me as one of those kinds of situations like going to the gym on a cold and miserable morning. You so don't want to leave the warmth and comfort of bed to get out and go, knowing that it will be hard work and maybe even painful; but once you've done it, you feel good and invigorated for the rest of the day.

Whilst I understand that for Mum, the effort of facing people coming to visit is hard, but at the same time, as she isn't really able to get out any more, it can't be a good thing for mine to be the only face that she sees day in and day out. Surely brief visits from people who care, and who understand how tired and sick Mum is would have to be beneficial?

As I see it, there are two sides to this issue. One is that people want to visit Mum to let her (and me) know that they care, and want to be supportive, for Mum's sake. But there's also the other aspect- that we all know Mum is going to die sometime soon, and friends and relatives want to see her, as part of the ongoing farewell, for their own sakes.

I think it's important for us to allow our friends and family to participate in this journey with us, as we draw closer to the pointy end. It will be good for them, and good for us... so now my challenge is to convince Mum to say yes to visits. There will obviously be some days when she's not having a good day at all, and so it will be appropriate for me to be the guard dog, and send people away from the door, or when they phone, tell them not to come; but on days like today, which has not been a particularly bad day, it would be nice to say yes to a visit, for all of our sakes.