It's been a hard day

Mum woke up in excruciating pain; I sat on the bed with her, rubbing her back as she groaned, for about ten minutes, waiting for the fentanyl to start to take effect.
It was a rugged start to the day.
I cried.

Our cleaner came this morning, and because Mum was a bit late waking up and getting going, I had to have a quick shower before the cleaner arrived, so didn't have time for a good cry in the shower.

Mum had a little mishap this morning, and just as I finished cleaning things up the phone rang. It was Bettan, the coordinator of the counselling and support service run by the agency that provides our cleaner (Catholic Community Services). Bettan often rings to see how we're going, and especially how I'm travelling in the role of carer. I told her what had been happening today, and she commented how strong she thinks I am to be caring for Mum so closely through all of what she's going through; and that in her experience this is pretty rare. She said she has seen so many people in similar situations to Mum struggling along on their own, even though they may have children. She said that she admired me for what I'm doing.
I cried.

After all this, I felt the need for a bit of space and a change of scenery, so after lunch I went to the local shopping centre. First stop Medicare office to make a claim, but some problems with the details of the paperwork, so will need to get the receipt reissued, with additional info on it, and then go back and try again in a couple of weeks. OK, not so good, so next stop- coffee shop.

Up to the Loft level, with thoughts of rich, sweet, chai latté (and something naughty but nice to nibble). After such expectations, I felt like crying when the latte arrived, and it was a bit on the tepid side. I probably should have said something, and asked them to make it hotter for me, but that would have been too hard.

Next, a lap of the ABC Shop, where I was about to spend too much money on some fun DVDs and other treats, when my phone rang. It was the doctor from Greenwich returning my call from earlier in the day. I told her what had been happening for Mum, and shared my suspicions about some of the new things going on.
And I cried. 

After a couple of other stops, including some grocery shopping, I called into the chemist, to collect a prescription for Mum. Our lovely pharmacist asked me how I was going, and how Mum was... and I cried.

Then I got home. Mum was comfortable and peaceful. I helped her bathe, and then had a very LARGE gin and tonic.

I am so weary, and hope that tomorrow is a little easier.