Tis the season to be... hospitable

It never ceases to amaze me that when it comes to hospitality, no matter how much I give (or even seek to give), I seem to receive so much more in return.

During a recent conversation with members of my lay reflection group (members of my congregations who have met with me monthly to provide pastoral support and encouragement during my first year in this, my first placement), the comment was made that many of them felt that they weren't sure whether they were welcome to drop into the manse. This was especially the case for those from Beechworth and Yack, who do often have cause to come to Myrtleford, for shopping or other errands, and have sometimes thought of calling in to say hello or have a cuppa, but weren't sure whether that would be presumptuous, or seen to be 'invading' my privacy or personal space.

I suspect this perception may go back to the days when there was a shift from seeing the manse as the centre of parish life, to seeing the manse as the private residence of the minister.

In the 'old days', church meetings were always held at the manse, and there were always church folk dropping in for various reasons to see the minister or his/her family, and there was an expectation that offering hospitality of all kinds went with the territory of being a 'manse family'. Whereas, these days, there is a stronger emphasis on the importance of self-care for ministers, so that my generation of ministers is encouraged to take regular time out from ministry, and not make ourselves available 24/7, except for genuine emergencies, and the sense that the manse is the home of the minister, and that the parishioners should respect the minister's privacy and need for 'down time'.

I suspect that the pendulum may have swung too far to the latter extreme, and I am keen to find a way to balance these two important values of hospitality and self-care. So I have made a deal with my parishioners, which involves the following statements:

1. There are certain times when they know I will be unlikely to answer my phone (ie before 9am on a work day, because 8:30-9 is my prayer time), and on Monday, which is my day off. I tell them that the machine will usually pick up calls at these times, and if it's urgent, I'll get back to them.

2. People are welcome to drop in for a chat and/or a cuppa, as long as they are prepared to take me, and the state of the manse, as they find it (i.e. I am not by nature a tidy person, so if I need to shift a pile of papers and books so they can sit down on the couch, they need to be able to cope with that); and I promised them that if I am busy with something that I need to get done in a hurry, or am about to go out, I will tell them that it's not a convenient time, and ask them to call back another time. This way they know that they don't need to try to second guess whether it's a good time to call in or not, because I will tell them.

Everyone I've spoken to about this seems to be quite happy with this arrangement, so we shall see how it goes in the long run. To kick things off, and to reinforce my desire to welcome people to the manse, I had an 'open house' this afternoon from 2-5pm, and invited people from across the two parishes to drop in any time during that period, for an informal cuppa.

During the course of the afternoon, I had more than 20 people drop in, and at times my loungeroom was packed, with standing room only, and other times there were just a few of us, but I think overall it was a resounding success, and people seemed delighted to have the opportunity to come and visit me in the manse (which also involved meeting and chatting with folk from other congregations that they might not have known, which was also a bonus).

I think I will make this a regular thing, maybe a couple of times a year, because, as I implied in my opening sentence, whilst it might have looked like I was the one being generous and offering hospitality, I also got a lot in return; the pleasure of chatting with people in a relaxed and informal context (and my collection of Christmas cards, hanging in the living room also seemed to expand too :-)