Saying thankyou

I received a phone call today from Mum's oncologist.

I haven't seen him for quite some months (as it got to the point in Mum's medical care where there was no point in going back to see him any more, as her condition was purely palliative). In the past couple of weeks, I've been writing thankyou cards to the many people who have sent me sympathy cards, flowers, or who have been particularly helpful or caring towards Mum or me during or since Mum's illness. I haven't quite finished them all yet, but posted off a bundle last week.

The list included a number of doctors who had treated Mum, including her oncologist. Interestingly, he had been the least favourite of all her doctors. I'm not sure why this was; perhaps because he was the one who had to give her the bad news; first that the mets on her lungs meant that her cancer was terminal, or later, that the chemo had been ineffectual, so she was likely to die sooner, rather than later. He had always been quite pleasant, but for some reason, Mum just never warmed to him as she did to her other doctors.

I actually felt a bit sorry for him, because I buttonholed him, and pushed him relentlessly to give me an estimate of Mum's life expectancy, back in June. He reluctantly did this, and I was very grateful, as it prompted me to drop everything and move to Sydney in early July to be with Mum, and enabled us to have a precious six months together before she died.

In my card to this doctor, I wrote how much I appreciated his honesty, and that although I was sorry I had to press him so hard, I was grateful to have that data, so that I could have that time with Mum.

When he called me today, he told me that he hadn't heard that Mum had died. I was surprised, as I assumed that the hospital would have sent him some kind of official word, as he was one of Mum's treating doctors. So this made me glad that I sent these cards to all of Mum's doctors, as maybe the others also hadn't been informed of her death through official channels.

He also sounded a bit surprised, as if it's not a common thing for people to go out of their way to thank him for the care he gives to his patients.  I think it's kind of human nature that when someone stuffs up, or performs below par, we are quick to criticise; but if they just do their job properly and well, we rarely give them praise. I was glad to be able to say thankyou to all of Mum's doctors, as they were all so lovely to her, and I was glad to know she was in such good hands, especially during the early stages when I was at home, and not able to be with her.

It's nice to say thankyou, and I still have more cards to write, so I should hurry up and get onto it.