The need to be strong... and vulnerable

One of the things about being a candidate for ministry is that the Theological College appoints each candidate with a Faculty Advisor, to assist with working through the process of formation for ministry.

Last week I had a meeting with my Faculty Advisor, and as part of our conversation, I shared with him some general details of a pastoral situation I had been involved with, in which I had made a rather significant stuff up earlier in the week, which had caused me to feel pretty low (and to be strongly annoyed with myself for making what I considered to be such a stupid mistake).

After he let me finish my tirade of self-deprecation, he asked me whether, in my relationships with friends and others, I felt the need to always be the strong one.

"Do people come to you with their problems because you are always the strong one, or are there relationships you have where you can look to others to be strong for you?"

Interesting question (also a bit too bloody insightful for my liking! Damn you, Chris Mostert!! :-)

It certainly got me thinking about my network of relationships, and I realised that there are quite a few, where I feel that I am always the strong (and sometimes even "wise") one for others, and that this seems to define the normal pattern for those particular relationships; (and that this could even say more about me, and my need to be strong for others, than their need for me to be strong for them).

But as I thought further, I realised that in addition to these particular relationships, there is a whole other group of relationships I have; longstanding, deep friendships with people who I love dearly, and know well, and who also know me well. These are more balanced in the sense that we can 'take turns' at being strong and weak for each other. I feel safe with these people to share my insecurities and vulnerabilities.

I was especially grateful that in the wake of my 'pastoral stuff up' of last week, I had a visit from a couple of such friends, who were passing through Melbourne on their way to Tassie for a conference there. It was great to be able to share with them some of what had happened, and my feelings about it all. It was therapeutic (as well as just downright enjoyable) for me to spend time with them.

As I see how many friends like this that I actually do have, I feel very blessed and privileged that there are so many people who carry me in their hearts and for whom I can do the same, as part of our relationships of mutual strength and weakness that have lasted so long.